I have to admit, Charlotte's results came back a few weeks ago. We were waiting on further prognosis from those results and then we received almost everything we needed about 1 week ago. It has taken some time to develop a treatment plan and truthfully we are not done formulating one. It will be a process that I, myself needed to come to terms with before I wrote to everyone about it. I apologize if anyone is offended about the long wait, please understand that I value all of the support from Charlotte fans and we appreciate all of the love through this process.
We all know that Charlotte is very special and not "normal" in the different challenges she faces. She became the first full Clydesdale to complete the long format three day at Rebecca farms in Montana. A huge accomplishment for a large breed in the Eventing world. So with how special and rare she is, of course she would have one of the rare forms of lymphoma.
Lymphoma is not uncommon with horses, especially the Cutaneous form which is normally found on the skin and presents itself as a skin lesion or small lump that can usually be removed. Charlotte has B-cell Lymphoma which covers only about 4% of the horses diagnosed with Lymphoma. ( See I told you she was special )
Unfortunately there is no cure and there is little research with this type of Lymphoma. Without doing multiple CT scans of different part of her body we don't know where else the cancer might be hiding in her body or if there are other tumors lingering. Unfortunately we are assuming there are more. If she was a dog or cat we could scan her whole body, but right now it would be a needle in a hay stack. I am not a veterinarian and I do not know all the medical terms, but the tumor did come back as a b-cell Lymphoma and you are welcome to read more information online as well.
So what do we do now? How long does she have? Can she still jumps? I am sure you all have a lot of questions at this moment and truthfully we can not answer all of them accurately but I will try.
First of all and most importantly, Charlotte is not showing any signs or symptoms of having cancer except in her blood work. If you google and research Equine Lymphoma you will see anything from weight loss and not eating to colic and diarrhea. You will see that most horses lack energy and may become lethargic at times. I am happy to say that Charlotte has not shown any signs or symptoms of being sick. (She is a rare I told you)
What does all of this mean? … Charlotte could be with us 6 months, or 1 year or another 8 years.... She is a fighter! Since she never showed us any signs of being sick before and the only thing that has changed for her is the eye removal, we don't know exactly what to treat or how long she will be with us. It plays like a double edge sword. In one hand she is feeling her normal self and is happy to be back to work but we don't know exactly how to treat her with out symptoms. In the other hand if she were to show symptoms we could make a better treatment plan. However, it would be hard to watch her go down hill or struggle. It would be difficult to not have the normal Charlotte.
In truth this blog is hard to write. I am grateful that she is happy and acting normal, it makes the days go by easier. But when you start to break it all down and write it on paper it starts to make it real and that can be daunting. I am fortunate to have the memories I do and the places and people we have met along the way. We will continue on our adventures until she tells me she needs a break or wants to slow down. We will continue to jump, I truly believe that is what she lives for.
So what now? ….. How do you treat something you cant see? How do you treat something with no symptoms? I'll start by saying, you have to have a team and a village standing behind you through the process. Without Dr Heather Fraser and Dr Gold brainstorming ideas and treatments, we would not be where we are today. I have the most passionate team of veterinarians standing behind us researching on there own time, and keeping an open mind about different treatment methods. At first we were going to inject a steroid into the site where the remaining tumor lies inside her eye to hopefully suppress the lymphoma in that area. We do not know where else in the body a tumor might lay or what has already been compromised so we decided against a local steroid and have started her on an oral steroid that she gets every other day right now.
Along with the medication we will continue to monitor her. Key words will be "monitor" …. Any change no matter how slight will be documented and shared with our vet. We will be doing bloodwork monthly to watch the different levels and lymphocyte counts in her blood. Along with regular ultrasounds of her eye socket to watch if and when and how fast the remaining tissue grows. (if it does grow, finger crossed it wont) We hare hoping with all of this monitoring that we either find out her body is in remission or we can tweak our treatment plan as needed.
As for Charlotte, I came to the realization the other day that she most likely doesn't understand what's going on. She might have been in some discomfort and now feels relief with her removed? we don't know, I cant talk to her like dr. Doolittle. I really wish I could. With all the research and questions I have asked, I was told one thing from a very special person ….. "stop searching for the quantity of life, and start enjoying the quality of life". When my sister, who is an extraordinary oncology nurse at children's hospital told me that, everything fell into place.
We will continue to monitor each day and hour and take bloodwork, ultrasounds and give medications but that will not be the highlight of the day. I wont sit and look forward to the days the vet arrives (no matter how much I love her visits *:)* ) I wont count the days until the lab results come back or the days that she has to be on medications. I will go out to the barn and forget about all that and just be with her. She doesn't understand why I am stressed and worried and truthfully no one can fix her Lymphoma so why not just spend every day like its the last. (corny cliché I know) *insert sad animal faces and music from those commercials about adoption**
But truthfully, all in all, the plan is to yes monitor and medicate and do all of that stuff. However, you will see me out there riding and grooming, she has an appointment this week to get clipped. We are going to continue our normal routine like nothing has change. Except the jumping we are taking a bit slow, I do not want to crush her confidence. But I go out there and tack her up like normal and ride around dressage and over poles. Charlotte is her normal self, she walks up to you in the pasture, bangs on her door for dinner, and her ears always perk up when we ride around and she sees the jumps in her view.
The last thing I want to do is take away the joy she has when she works. If she has one too many days off she will be waiting at the gate for you to come and ride. I can just picture her as a human, one hand on her hip the other held up in front of her staring at her watch, while she taps her foot on the ground. I am a strong believer in making goals, recently I was listening to a podcast that mentioned "your goals do not have an end date, or an expiration date" … This year I want to make a few goals and I will keep that in mind. If at one show I don't succeed that goal, maybe I hit a milestone? or completed another goal? or it made me realize I need to revamp my goals? Whichever it is my main goal will be to have fun. I want to have a smile on my face the entire time. I want to make memories and leave memories behind.
I truly believe Charlotte was put in my life to bring me on the path to eventing. With out her I would never have met one of the most caring and talented trainers. Jenny Holbrook has not only taken under her wing a Clydesdale pair that said "you know what I want to go to rolex" ….. and then had them do lots of trot pole exercises, but she also brought us into one of the most supportive communities I have ever had the privilege to be with. All of the friends we have met along the way, I look forward to seeing you back out at the competitions. Jenny has continued to help Charlotte and I through this next adventure, she never hesitate when I told her we still want to jump. She actually told me about a few other top level riders that took there one eyed horses up the levels in eventing. Jenny is the one that told me on the day I decided to have the eye removed "you will be jumping again in no time, and I am here to help you along the way"
With out my family, friends and fur babies here by my side, I can tell you this process would have been terrifying. The encouragement, comments, and information about our new "one eyed life" and "life with lymphoma" has helped tremendously along the way. I could not have done this with out the help of everyone. If I did not personally thank you in the blog post please be aware that I am eternally grateful for your help and kind words ** you know who you are**
Alright !!! We started this post pretty positive and now lets end on a positive note..... I think that's called a compliment sandwich. I am happy to announce that with the help of jenny and my videographer belle, I took Charlotte over two small cross rails! It was her Christmas present! We have made three goals so far for the 2019 season. I am not attached to any of these goals and of course Charlotte comes first, so if anything happens along the way I have no problem changing them.
1. Go to the Aspen schooling show in March and ride around the grasshopper course. *Keep in mind I don't need to go there and complete it. If we go in there and jump one or two jumps I will be happy and so pleased with her. If she loves it and says "mom, this is too easy" than we may sign up for a beginner novice round. The great thing about the schooling shows is that, if it goes terribly wrong you can do it again. Or if it goes so well that you are ready to move up you can purchase another round at a higher level. One of my favorite things about a schooling show that everyone needs to remember is that you are there to learn, whether that's about what your horse is capable of? or maybe what you need to work on before you go to a recognized event. … See you there!!
2. Dressage. Kind of a wide spectrum. Before everything started we were on the road to an amazing dressage score! So lets get back at it! I want to be able to sit an entire dressage test in a competition. That could be at a schooling show or maybe we will make it out to a recognized event. I don't have to get first or third. I could even get disqualified at the end but I just want to complete one dressage test sitting the entire time.
3. Lodestar Camp. This is usually the first week of April. The most fun I have had in a long time was spending camp with the Lodestar team. I was new when I went to the first one 2 years ago and it was a great way to build confidence and relationships. I encourage anyone to go to camp, be a kid again and ride your pony bareback (with a helmet) into the grass field and just sit there thinking about your life. What do you want to accomplish? What are your fears and why? How do we help you overcome them? ….. Even if I take Charlotte to camp and I cant jump her or participate in the group events. You will see me out there either helping, taking pictures, or just sitting on my horse watching. Charlotte will be there even if the only thing we can do is practice our galloping around the large open field. It will be a blast!
Remember to make goals and stick with your dreams. It helps me to write them down or make a vision board (stay tuned to the new 2019 vision board) Just keep in mind that its about you and your horse and the bond you guys share.
If you don't already follow Charlotte on Instagram you can keep up with her progress and watch videos and see pictures while she goes through this adventure @eventing_clydesdale
If you have any questions you can also email me at eventingclydesdale@gmail.com
p.s. there is a video of us jumping over the two small cross rails.... Baby steps to complete our goals. We will not get there in a hurry but it will be the adventure of a life time. Who knows, we might start writing a book in the mean time.
No comments:
Post a Comment